Hey! Bear here!
As part of my punishment Mom is making me write this post tonight. I think that’s a little harsh, but she’s the Mom, and since I’m trying to get back in her good graces, I’m going to tell you my story. I don’t know why she’s so huffy about it, but you know Moms!
Here’s what happened. A couple of weeks ago, Mom came up with this plan to teach Maddie and me to “go” faster than we “go”. She and Dad don’t like hanging out in the rain, waiting for us to “take care of our business”, so Mom thought she knew a way to get us to “take care of business” faster.
We’d leave the condo for our normal three-times-a-day walk, and Mom would make sure we saw her put treats in her pocket (I don’t know why she thought we had to watch her do that – we can smell them two blocks away). Anyway, for the next few days, whenever Maddie and I would get around to “going”, Mom would whip a treat out of her pocket and make a big deal out of it. It was really pretty funny to watch her carrying on, but whatever makes her happy, we are happy to try.
It took me a little while to catch on, and Maddie STILL doesn’t know what the game is. That’s because she’s too busy sniffing out every single leaf, rock, flower, and dirt mound on the island. Me though? I got it almost right away. I’d lift my leg and “go”. I’d get a treat. I’d assume the position and “go”. I’d get a treat. I mean after a couple of weeks, I’d take care of everything in a flash and be enjoying my reward, while Maddie was still sniffing an ant in the grass.
But then I guess I got a little too big for my britches (if I wore britches). We’d leave the house, and I’d take care of everything and get my treats. Then we’d continue the walk so Maddie could “perform”. This was boring, so one day I thought I’d try something different. I “assumed the position” again. Mom and Dad said, “I wonder why Bear is “going” again? And Mom tossed me a treat. This went on for a couple of days, with Mom beginning to worry I was having tummy problems. I mean, I was “going” three of four times on one walk! And enjoying my treats.
But today I made a mistake. We left home, and because Mom was talking on her phone, she didn’t take me off my leash until we got to this big clearing with nothing but grass. She unhooked the leash, and I bounded away and “assumed the position.” After a sufficient time had passed (I had worked it out in my head that the position should last exactly 11 seconds), I came bounding back for my treat. Uh-oh. Because we were in a grassy clearing where other people might walk, instead of off a trail in the woods, Mom pulled a plastic bag out of her other pocket and proceeded to look for the poop. And look. And look. Oh dear.
“Where’d you poop, Bear?” Mom asked, with a curious look on her face. No treat was coming out of her pocket, so I thought I’d give it another shot. I walked away a few feet and “assumed the position” again. 1 . .5 . .8 . .11! I looked over my shoulder to find Mom standing practically right behind me, and she was tapping her foot and frowning.
“I don’t see any poop, Bear,” she said, with a little bit of “the joke is over” tone in her voice.
Hmmmm . . . I guess tomorrow I can just take my time “going” and join Maddie in smelling the flowers. Bear out.