Nice While It Lasted 7/23/2013


Hey!  Bear here!

As part of my punishment Mom is making me write this post tonight.  I think that’s a little harsh, but she’s the Mom, and since I’m trying to get back in her good graces, I’m going to tell you my story.  I don’t know why she’s so huffy about it, but you know Moms!

Here’s what happened.  A couple of weeks ago, Mom came up with this plan to teach Maddie and me to “go” faster than we “go”.  She and Dad don’t like hanging out in the rain, waiting for us to “take care of our business”, so Mom thought she knew a way to get us to “take care of business” faster.

We’d leave the condo for our normal three-times-a-day walk, and Mom would make sure we saw her put treats in her pocket (I don’t know why she thought we had to watch her do that – we can smell them two blocks away).  Anyway, for the next few days, whenever Maddie and I would get around to “going”, Mom would whip a treat out of her pocket and make a big deal out of it.  It was really pretty funny to watch her carrying on, but whatever makes her happy, we are happy to try.

It took me a little while to catch on, and Maddie STILL doesn’t know what the game is.  That’s because she’s too busy sniffing out every single leaf, rock, flower, and dirt mound on the island.  Me though?  I got it almost right away.  I’d lift my leg and “go”.  I’d get a treat.  I’d assume the position and “go”.  I’d get a treat.  I mean after a couple of weeks, I’d take care of everything in a flash and be enjoying my reward, while Maddie was still sniffing an ant in the grass.

But then I guess I got a little too big for my britches (if I wore britches).  We’d leave the house, and I’d take care of everything and get my treats.  Then we’d continue the walk so Maddie could “perform”.  This was boring, so one day I thought I’d try something different.  I “assumed the position” again.  Mom and Dad said, “I wonder why Bear is “going” again?  And Mom tossed me a treat.   This went on for a couple of days, with Mom beginning to worry I was having tummy problems.  I mean, I was “going” three of four times on one walk!  And enjoying my treats.

But today I made a mistake.  We left home, and because Mom was talking on her phone, she didn’t take me off my leash until we got to this big clearing with nothing but grass.  She unhooked the leash, and I bounded away and “assumed the position.”  After a sufficient time had passed (I had worked it out in my head that the position should last exactly 11 seconds), I came bounding back for my treat.  Uh-oh.  Because we were in a grassy clearing where other people might walk, instead of off a trail in the woods, Mom pulled a plastic bag out of her other pocket and proceeded to look for the poop.  And look.  And look.  Oh dear. 

“Where’d you poop, Bear?” Mom asked, with a curious look on her face.  No treat was coming out of her pocket, so I thought I’d give it another shot.  I walked away a few feet and “assumed the position” again.  1 . .5 . .8 . .11!  I looked over my shoulder to find Mom standing practically right behind me, and she was tapping her foot and frowning. 

“I don’t see any poop, Bear,” she said, with a little bit of “the joke is over” tone in her voice.

Hmmmm . . . I guess tomorrow I can just take my time “going” and join Maddie in smelling the flowers.  Bear out.

It was nice while it lasted though!

It was nice while it lasted though!


46 thoughts on “Nice While It Lasted 7/23/2013

  1. oh Bear! Too bad you didn’t have a doggie-cam in your collar, as that would have made a great you-tube moment!

  2. Friggin hilarious! On a ‘similar’ note, we taught our baby ( Doogan, our beloved 85 Lb American pit bull ) to ‘ring’ Christmas bells that we hang from the back door when he wants to ‘go out’. He’s a smart boy and the bell system worked great for years. This year our boy is a bit older and so he can ‘hold it’ for many hours if he just doesnt want to be bothered to go outside….but he always wants to be where I am…So…he put 2 and 2 together and deduced that someone always comes to the door when he rings the bell. Smart guy!…So this years trick from our boy genius is he will see me outside working on the pool/yard..etc and he will ring the bell for me to come IN! Example,..I am outside working, I see him watching me from the window,..he’ll ring the bell, I climb the stairs up the deck and open the door to let him out but when I open the door he gives me this ‘look’ of, ”…are you done cuz I want you to sit next to me on the couch” and he’ll start heading for the couch while looking back to make sure that I am following. If I am not…well, its like the directions on a shampoo bottle…wash, rinse and REPEAT!( skip the wash and rinse part though). I love that dog!

  3. Hilarious! You are one smart cookie Bear! I can’t blame your Mama for trying though, as I currently use this exact tactic on my girls to hurry up the “go”. I am sure we get a lot of positions assumed around here too 🙂

  4. That’s a great story Bear!! I think you should feel fortunate that you got to tell it yourself!!! Hope you enjoy your treats tomorrow!! 🙂

  5. Bear,

    I really enjoyed your telling the “assuming the position” story, but I still can’t understand why you wouldn’t talk to me.

    • I think I had laryngitis that day, Mr. Lowell, and couldn’t speak above a whisper. That was probably it.

      Sent from my iPhone

  6. What a look on Bear’s face! You can’t make this stuff up. It is great to hear this from Bear’s point-of-view and I can tell he is thinking, “I really should not try putting things over on mom….there’s a price to pay.”

    • I’m working on mom about that, Ms. Sue. But after today, I think I’ll just let wait a week or so before I start asking for anything again. I think that might be in my best interest.

      Sent from my iPhone

    • Wow! I’d sure like to meet all those smart dogs you have one day, Mr. Jason. I bet I could learn a lot of good tricks from them! And I could teach them how to pretend to poop. Can they count to eleven? Signed, Bear

      Sent from my iPhone

      • Just a quick note! Everyone on my team has enjoyed this post! They all had a good laugh this morning. We’ll have to send you a team picture.

  7. Great picture of Bear! I was viewing it on my iPad and touched it only to find it enlarge quickly: it seemed as though he was going to lick my face! You can imagine… I’m reluctantly leaving the 20th century behind in some respects. iPad, iPhone– I remember getting touch-tone! Not to mention typewriters, answering machines, pen and paper. Oh we’ll, your blog can really be fun sometimes and it makes the 21st Century more tolerable for sure. It’s ok to date myself: my birthdate is 2/12/1949. Your pictures and blog are really cool!


    Sent from my iPad

    • We’ll, you’re a year younger than me, David, so I remember all those things also! Thanks for the kind words!

      Sent from my iPhone

  8. Sometimes Bear,

    “We have to just grin and bear it”
    Step, and assume carefully Bear. Try to keep your chin up….. Think about following your sister ; )


  9. Gotta love ya, Bear! Leave it to a Golden Retriever to figure out how to “assume the position” to get a treat. You guys are so smart…….and cute, too! Great story!

      • And it was a good job you did too, Bear. Sandy just misunderstood. I’m sure she feels very contrite for making the mistake.

  10. We have a Golden also and she has pulled this trick a few times with us!! I laughed outloud while reading this… Bear & Maddie!!

  11. Too funny!

    Brenda……did I miss your post about your trip to T. City? I’m just catching up on the last few posts since we were on vacation for a couple days as well (went to Suttons Bay area), but I was hoping we’d hear all about your adventures there.

    • There were no adventures in T.C., Karen. We spent 15 minutes in SAMs Club buying paper products, hit a nice farmers market and bought a few veggies and a pie, then headed back to pick up dogs at groomers. Maybe another trip will be a little less hectic.

      Sent from my iPhone

      • You’ll have to go back for sure…..worth the time to see the sites. Sleeping Bear Dunes especially is just breathtaking!

  12. Loved the wedding story, thanks to both of you for sharing…just catching up on a few posts.
    Bear, you are the most! You are so handsome I know mom won’t keep you in the “dog house” very long.

  13. I think you need to get the fertilizer franchise for the island. Bear could help you scope out the sources. The flowers are spectacular.

  14. I’m just getting caught up with my blog reading! This is hilarious. Those dogs have so much personality and so does their mom and dad!!!

  15. I’m on the commuter train and I just cracked up loudly (ohhhh, go back to reading your book – it’s funny!!) at this. Someone shared it on my Facebook page today and I love it. I posted something about one of our dogs going “fake potty.” My boyfriend didn’t believe our dog did this until he did it to him last night. Dogs are smart!

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